Restlessness is part of my nature. After graduating from college I think I moved to a new city every year for about a decade… my friends joked that they would only write my address in pencil in their address books (yes, it was that long ago that people still used address books). I didn't think anything of it. Even after getting married I just kept exploring new jobs, fields of study and places to live until we finally settled down outside of Boston where I worked for the same company and lived in the same home for 20 years. Looking back the difference is dramatic... nomadic to settled. There is something interesting about those points in life where you give yourself freedom to explore, and I think it is as much about mindset as anything else. There wasn't anything keeping me from exploring new jobs, fields of study and places to live for those 20 year, but I established a routine with my career and family and didn't allow myself as much space to explore. To be fair, parenting is a learning journey and I traveled a lot for work and fun, so my inner nomad had some nourishment.
I remember a point where I was feeling stuck so I began working with a professional coach who later became a dear friend. She suggested that I do something new and creative. I told her that I didn't have time for that because I felt like I was treading water just to meet my obligations. She looked at me and said "Your time is yours and you are the one choosing how to spend it, you can make different choices." I honestly didn't believe her. That is easy to say but my children and family needed my time and attention, my colleagues and clients wanted my time and attention, I didn't feel like I could make different choices. But slowly my awareness about my choices for my time grew and I started to notice little opportunities to do some things differently. If my spouse could get up and go for an early morning bike ride some days, than some days I could get up early and go to a yoga class. Would the world end if I joined a women's discussion group at 5 p.m. one night a week? Who said I needed to take all my meetings in my office, what if I met with colleagues and walked outdoors while we talked? It was amazing the impact that had on my mindset, and sanity.
My life now is very different, and I now think very purposefully about how I spend time. I own my responsibility to myself to use my time most effectively, and interestingly it is often the time I devote to nothing in particular that feels best. I love having days with gaps of nothing on my calendar. But I still have these nagging thoughts when it comes time to use that time. I will fill it with activities like email or other work that isn't urgent, walking on the trails with our dog, cooking something from scratch, doing a crossword puzzle, reading a book… all worthy activities and I know I am blessed to be able to spend my time this way. But, I have a mental list of things I would love to do… write stories, paint, dance, star gaze. These are things that take more mental effort and do not come naturally to me, so I put them off because "I don't have time." But of course that isn't true. It doesn't take any longer to do any of those things than it does to hike or cook… but I am comfortable hiking, reading and cooking, there is no mental or physical barrier for me to do those things.
Why is time my excuse when I am not comfortable doing something? Why do I think I need a block off many hours for activities I am not in the habit of doing? Why don't I spend a couple of hours painting instead of reading? Why don't I make time to write instead of doing the crossword puzzle? There is some level of discomfort in doing something different than my daily routine and that barrier expresses itself in my mind as lack of time. It isn't really time, it is familiarity. When I cook I will have a known outcome that meets a need. If I paint I have no idea what the outcome will be and if it will be something I like. I have a set of paints, canvas and easel that I bought 4 years ago… I painted one picture (that I didn't like very much) right after I got it. Yes I have other artistic outlets, and I've enjoyed creating pottery, but even that has gotten routine. I look at my classmate's beautiful pieces of art with no purpose other than to express themselves, and I get stuck needing to create something with a use like a mug or a bowl.
I think the reason behind my dilemma is that our human minds are lazy so we tend toward routines, even when you are a restless type like me. When I think about how I spend my free time as a choice to be made in the moment I can see that I am being lazy by picking the things I always do. Doing something different takes effort. But, research has shown that trying something new can be good for your mood because it triggers your brain to release dopamine, which makes you feel good. What do you do when you when you have a free hour or two? Does your routine make you feel restless? What new frontiers do you long to explore? What holds you back from diving into a non-routine activity that intrigues you? I have had so many people say to me "I have been meaning to take a yoga class". Maybe this is the month to give it a try, we have so many new offerings to consider. This month I am making a conscious effort to make a time swap and replace one of the things I want to do but haven't made time for with something I do out of habit. I invite you to do the same and let me know how it goes
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